I hate all girls vehemently.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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