I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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