Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
