My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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