i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
