I am puke
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
