If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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