i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
