What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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