the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
