Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just pee around me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
