who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
