just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
