What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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