Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
