his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
