ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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