i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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