i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
