you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
