I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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