Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
