I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
