U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
