How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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