I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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