I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
