How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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