We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
