my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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