Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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