Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
