On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
