i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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