The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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