I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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