I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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