Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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