i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
