If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
