Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
