I hate all girls vehemently.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
