i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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