I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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