My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
