Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
