wakey wakey hands off snakey
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
