did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
