Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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