i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
