me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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