if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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