I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
