so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
