5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
