i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
