The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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