Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
