I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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