can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
