3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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