so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
