You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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