hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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