You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's blow job season.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
